I swear I was really about to sleep this time round...

But here I am...

I am starting to get real bored at home, starting to feel sick!

Not the illness kind but rather 'sick and tired'... KAN SIANZ!!!

I guess I am sort of at my limit, at home I could feel really dizzy and feels like want to vomit...
( haha maybe i suffocate myself in my room...)

I finally get the green light to work...
Cause my dad finally gave up with me I think, he sort of realise that this is not the way for me either. Though he have plans for me not to waste time but to constantly upgrade myself by learning new stuff. I disappoint him once again...

Couping up in my room for almost 2months now? I still got no idea what to do with my life but rot and relax...
I am indeed relax enough, but not re-energize as I am really having very little hrs of sleep...

I am at a stage that even games cannot satisfy me...
-JX2
-C&C3
-PS2,PS3
-Civilization 4
-PSP

god... I've got countless of games to play and believe it or not, now that I have all the time in the world, I am not playing them... (remembering those times I was having a paper the next day, I still die die want to chiong a dota match at least even I barely have less then 8hrs to prepare for the paper.)
Yearn to complete them but no mood to play...

They are fun but I feel empty playing them cause they are no longer my top priority in life any longer, if fact I could do without them...

Since it is the starting of april! Really time to get my life back on track! by doing the following:

-Getting a job...
First of all I really need to kill time! And it is better to do something and earn money. But that's not important. What I want is that maybe I could meet new people to widen my social circle? lol...
And I learn that when I get really busy in a job it has the best numbing effect even compared to playing games. Just like a stronger dose of drug... Stops me from thinking haha...

So who ever have a job introduce me plz... I am a good worker! (>.<)

-Exercising
Training myself? cause I am fat? lol... I really want to lose some major weight to be at least 70kg... though my target is 68? but all those can leave till when I enter army bah... But by June I must be at least 74kg...

-Enhance myself...
Time for real hobbies to come into play... piano, guitar, more story books, etc... My parents really want the best for me and I know it is the best options... They always plan the stuff ahead for me guiding me to the best... Like now they see me holiday, they allow me to work but not to work those jobs auntie also can do... (those kind of jobs will not want to hire temp staff to do!) And they want me to study, english, chinese... BUT WHO THE HELL STUDIES NOW? I FREAKING GRADUATED! (even when schooling, I also dun really study lar!) I know it is the best, but I am not following it does that means I dun want the best? That's why it is hard to argue with my parents about what I want and what I desire cause it is always the immature, unrealistic ideas... (it is like the one who could have choose Cindy Lam but choose Ba Gua instead) >.< think ="D">.<

I realised and believed..

All because I have negative confidence in myself...

And not the other reasons...

That's why I so freaking hate myself...